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TYPE 4: THE ROMANTIC INDIVIDUALIST

 



"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
Eleanor Roosevelt
"In despair there are the most intense enjoyments, especially when one is very acutely conscious of the hopelessness of one's position."
Fyodor Dostoevsky
"I don't want the world to see me, Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."
The Goo-Goo Dolls

Snapshot
Fours are based in the Heart Center. Their issues revolve around love and emotion. They live in the world of feelings and avoid being ordinary. They are generally very creative, original and are often involved in the arts. Fours constantly search for what's missing in their lives. The search often focuses on relationships. Their intense emotions range from deep melancholy to unbounded elation. Being unique is important to Fours.

Best Example of a Famous "FOURS": GWYNETH PALTROW & ALLY MCBEAL
Celebrities Public Figures Characters
Prince James Dean Dorothy, Wizard of Oz
Marlon Brando Alanis Morrissette Ally McBeal
Winona Ryder Rudolf Nureyev Cathy (cartoon character)
Janis Joplin Liam Niesson Charlie Brown (Peanuts)
Kurt Cobain Uma Thurman  
Maria Callas Ingmar Bergman  
Gwyneth Paltrow Leonard Cohen  
Sarah McLachlan Edgar Alan Poe  
Johnny Depp Roy Orbison  
Orson Wells D. H. Lawrence  
Joni Mitchell    
Jackson Brown    
Gwyneth Paltrow    

Quick Profile

Fours have such a flair for the dramatic and theatrical, that they can be the central characters in their own melodramas. They are often referred to as drama kings and queens. They are the Toulouse La Trecs, the Judy Garlands and the Vincent Van Goghs—feeling uniquely special, yet tragically flawed. Aesthetic, creative and original with refined tastes, they can appear either melancholy or exuberant and upbeat.

Fours look deeply into their own interior seeking for a way to express the intense emotional highs and lows they experience. Romantic, sensitive, intuitive, and introspective, they can also be self-absorbed, moody and temperamental. Fours value people who are genuine and who interact without pretense.

Feeling different, feeling like outsiders, and feeling that no one really understands them, fours amplify the feelings associated with their fantasies because life seems more meaningful that way. As a consequence, they can become self-indulgent, melancholic, alienated and depressed.

People are often attracted to Fours because of their warmth, depth, creativity, ability to feel so keenly, and their uniqueness and emotional honesty. In relationships they are passionate, witty and bond easily. At their best they are self-aware, regenerating, profoundly creative in ways that touch others by their expression of the universal human experience.


Are You a Four? How many of these do you identify with?

As A Four:
  • I live in the world of feelings and often wear my heart on my sleeve.
  • I feel things very intensely.
  • People don't really know how I feel and they don't really understand me.
  • I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in.
  • I am really there for people in a very compassionate way—especially when they're in crisis.
  • No one can really help me when I'm depressed. I just want somebody to listen and understand. I'll come out when I'm ready.
  • I tend to long for whatever I can't have.
  • Something is always missing.
  • I can't shake this feeling that deep down I'm defective or flawed in some profound way.
  • My relationships remind me of the tango: you step forward, I step back; you step back, I step forward.
  • I don't like it when people tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting.
  • I enjoy fantasizing about being idealized as a great artist or performer—somebody recognized for his or her special greatness.
  • I learned early on not to depend on anyone else, to play alone and to solve my problems by myself.
  • I'm still waiting for that perfect someone who can recognize the true, special me hidden inside to come and carry me away from it all. We can run away together.
  • In my life I have been attracted to relationships with people who are unavailable, unattainable, or not appropriate in some way. Something about them is never quite right.
  • I'm attracted to melancholy feelings. They are like an emotionally comfortable place that arises from my pain and loss.
  • I'm drawn to what's most intense and real in life -- death, sex, birth, and tragedy.
  • I don't want to live an ordinary life, and I have a talent for escaping the ordinary.
  • Fears of being abandoned come up for me in relationships.
  • I love that I feel so intuitively connected to the Universe.

In Enneagram Terms:
Also known as: The Artist, The Original Person, The Seeker, The Romantic
The Main Plot: The main character (a 4 of course) sees herself as unique and elite, and the plot involves finding the never-ending search for the longed-for things that's are missing to make life complete (often the perfect relationship)--but it's all done with such individual self-expression, panache, flair and depth.
Chief Feature: Melancholy
Basic Motivation: The need to be understood, the need to understand others' feelings, to express their individuality, search for meaning in life and avoid being ordinary.
Basic Fear: Of being without consistent personal identity, abandonment, rejection, loss, not being special.
Basic Desire: To be special, to find themselves, create an identity.
Focus of Attention: "What's missing here?" The best in life is whatever is missing and there are faults in what is available—romanticizing the future and the past; what is aesthetically pleasing and deeply meaningful.
Passion: Envy / Longing
Virtue: Equanimity
Psychological Defense Mechanism: Introjection. This is carrying negative feelings around inside of you, whether it's the negative feelings of others that you pick up on and identify with, or it's carrying around your own loss and suffering from your past.


 

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